Randomcity

Busy
that's how it's been
but life with toddlers
that is to be expected

I've been avoiding
many things

I've written about
my struggle with depression
I decided it was time
time to decrease my meds
after consulting with my doctor

I would have to say
it was not the right decision
I have slowly been falling
falling back
back into the depths of depression

I had just climbed out
of the deep hole
I was enjoying the wonderful view
I then turned around
and peered back down
then slowly
inch by unnoticeable inch
I headed back down
but my sight was not looking down
not yet
I could still see the wonderful that was
maybe that is why I didn't notice

Things just changed ever so slightly
until the anxiety bubbled
the tears came
my thoughts are muddled
my body is shaky
my sleep is not restful
my mind has thoughts of death
I am overwhelmed
with the slightest thing

I can now see it
the decline
the so slight decline
that continues
but this time
I know the drill
I picked up the phone
insisted on an appointment
as soon as possible
it was not as difficult
as the first time I had to call
two years ago
when I teetered
I'm more aware
aware of the help I can get

I will not slip any farther down that slope
I know what it involves
It may have crept up on me
but I now know what to do
I will climb back out
I will heal
it will just take time
prayer and support
all of which I have

Until that time
I will go back up on my meds
I will enjoy life
I will love my family
I will take my time
I will heal
and I will try again