Right now, our life is not our own. And we are okay with that. Actually on Wednesday we stayed home. My kids needed some 'normal' as bad as it feels to do anything normal right now. My sister and parents worked on paper work and getting Darren's business in order, along with the mass amounts of phone calls to figure out numerous other things that come with a sudden death. Darren's cousin, Albert, wife, Carmen and kids came down from Saskatchewan and spent some time with my sister and her family, so we decided that they didn't us there to add to the noise. Theresa and Darren have always been close with Albert and Carmen. So they all needed some time to mourn together. It also gave my folks a break, which they needed as well.
Thursday we went to check out the church and discuss the reception arrangements. Once we got to the church we realized that is was much to small. We are blown away with the amount of people who are calling and contacting other people close to us to find out about the funeral. So we decided to move the service to the church right beside, which happens to be my parents and my home church. We are grateful they are able to accommodate us on such short notice. Then we will walk over to the other church for the reception.
After figuring all that out, we headed home. But my sister, her kids and my folks all headed out to the funeral home. They needed to provide clothes for Darren. A very difficult thing to consider. Once there, they were able to discuss how the viewing would run and such. And we headed over for dinner with them.
Today, is Friday. Today as a family we will have Darren's viewing. Theresa has decided to keep this a family only viewing. She has said that Darren did not want a viewing but that she had told him that she would have one for him as she needs it. And I completely understand. Darren's death was so unexpected and fast.
It's crazy that I'm sure we have all discussed these things in jest with our spouse before. But the reality is, it's important to know our spouses wishes....if ever. And this is the...if ever...time.
I have felt cried out the last two days. My heart is broken for my sister, nieces and nephew. Our lives will not be the same without Darren. We all depended on him in different ways. I could call Darren anytime if I needed something. He would always help me right away. When I was younger he always made it clear that if someone hurt me, he would take of it for me. He always had my back, even when I didn't know it. He was like that with everyone. He was the person who would hear someone needed some help, he would show up, fix it and leave. Expecting nothing. And the more people we have talked to this week, the more we have heard these stories.
I am scared for tonight. I can't imagine what my sister and her kids are feeling. Please hold us in your prayers tonight.
My sister is hardly holding it together at this point. Again, I'm so grateful for my folks and those who are supporting us. The people who just check in to see if there is anything we need. My sister's friend Paula, who just comes and does the household things. She is amazing and a huge blessing. There are so many people who are helping, I don't even know all their names, yet I talk with them each day.
The kids are each different with how they deal with things. But we are holding each one in prayer. It's going to be a very long time before this seems real. We all say many times a day that we just can't believe it. We all expect Darren to come walking into the room.
We will feel the hole he's left in our lives for a very very long time.
Bread For the Journey
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