To say this has been a difficult season is an understatement. We begin the new year with holes in our lives. I miss my brother in law more then I thought I would. We also tragically lost an aunt (my dad's sister in law) and we lost my amazing grandma at the age of 92 (my dad's mom).
Everyone in my family is tired. Emotions are high. Even after more than 4 months it's hard to believe that Darren is gone. I still think it's a bad dream a lot of the time. We are all just spent.
Most every time I leave my house I'm asked by people how my sister and her kids are doing. I never know how to answer this. There is so much intricately involved in losing the love of your life the father of your children. It's far from over after the funeral is done. Darren had all is paperwork in order and yet things are still moving slow to be finished up in that area. Frankly there is just to much to go into detail in regards to the death paperwork, but it will be some time before things are finished.
I asked my sister what she wanted me to tell people on how she was doing. She said to just tell them that she is waking up each day and breathing. Right now, that is a difficult job. I can tell that slowly she is taking small steps, so small she might not even realize it herself. Now it's easier to hold a conversation with her; her memory is a bit better and other things that are hard to put words to. She is still broken, how could she not be, as are her kids.
We had our family Christmas at her house and the hole that Darren left was noticeable. We had more tears and more prayers. But we also did laugh and enjoy our family time. It will never be the same.
We have no choice but to move forward because the days will not stop coming.
As you move forward into this year, make a resolution to let your family know how much you love them each day. Go out of your way to say I love you and do special things for your loved ones. Spend time together, choose family time, not TV time. My sister is forever grateful that 5 minutes before Darren was killed he told her that he loved her. He didn't know he was going to be hit by a car and die instantly when he started back out on his ride, but he knew he loved my sister and he told her, just because. Wouldn't you want your loved to have those last words from you?
Rainbow Pasta Salad
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