Tuesday, August 23, 2011

I never Imagined

Darren holding my girly when she was born

We left our camping trip early after we received news you never want to hear.
I'll post about our camping trip another time. Frankly, I have no clue where my camera is much less have we even started to unpack our trailer.
My brother in law, Darren was killed on Saturday. He was driving his Harley and a car coming in the opposite direction pulled a U-turn directly in front of his path. He swerved to miss them, but didn't. He died, we believe, basically instantly. The 4 passengers in the car are unhurt, but the driver now has to live with his mistake and the fact that he took a life.
He leaves my sister a widow and his four children fatherless.
My family is close. We are spending most of our time at my sisters. Supporting. Crying. Cleaning. Retelling. Loving.
We are all crushed. My dad and mom have stopped their lives, really in fact, we have all stopped our own lives. But my dad, I just can't believe how much he has done. He is strong, but he cries with everyone to. He makes sure we love each other. My mom is loving on everyone to. My brother in law ran his own business. My dad and my other brother in law have taken over to make decisions. It's a hard thing as Darren kept a lot of info in his head.
My sister and I, we just do. We see and we do. We answer the door, we handle the food coming in. We sit and cry with the kids. We make sure each person is eating and taking care of themselves.
I never in my entire life expected to write an obituary for one of my family members. I never in life thought I would be sitting down with my family and discuss the funeral arrangements for one of ours. I won't even bother to tell you all the sad and terrible details that come with that.
My kids have been amazing. I have had many offers of people willing to take care of my kids. But because we just don't have a timetable of how long we will be, it's hard. The last few nights we are not home until 10 pm and my kids have been so great. To be honest, my husband has been taking care of them most of the day, I really have no clue what they do during the day. My husband has also been in charge of dealing with putting the food in the freezer. Emptying the garbage, getting it ready for garbage day and he just generally is stepping up where he sees a need. He also is crying with each child, saying we don't have answers.
We know Darren is in heaven. We all have our faith in God. And it is so evident that God is with us. Why did God take Darren when their life was so amazing and good right now. I just don't know and really it's not for us to know right now. God will reveal it, if He wants to. But being a Christian is a lot about faith. And let me tell you, having faith is very much tested right now.
We have a very difficult road a head of us. I have no idea what it will look like. I know that my life apart from my sister, it will be put on hold for now. Except for the things that we have to do. I have cleared my calendar. My job right now is care for my family, not just my kids, but all 16 in my family.
I am so very thankful that my family is pulling together. It's amazing to see how we just gel and fit together with our strengths and weaknesses. How we each step up and how we just cry together and work together.
The funeral is this coming Monday. Then we will have to discover our new normal.
God will carry us. I am so very grateful for my family. And I'm so very grateful for our God.


  1. Oh Tara, this is so heartbreaking to read. Thank you for sharing about your grief, shock and trust in God. You are continually in my prayers. xoxo

  2. Just can't imagine what you're going through right now, Tara. I am praying for you and your family!

  3. Oh Tara...I am so sad to hear about your brother in law. I don't have any words to say that will comfort you in this time. I just pray that you feel God as close to you and your family as ever. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

  4. Tara, I am so sorry. I cant say anything to ease the pain you and your family are feeling right now, but know that you all are in my thoughts and prayers. May God bring peace and comfort to your hearts. *hug*

  5. Tara, I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this tough time. We will be praying for you guys that God will bring comfort in this hard time